“git blamefor arguments. Highlight the exact seven-word sentence that started the fight, six hours and eleven topics ago. Bisect through the conversation to find the commit where things regressed. Blame shows who said what and when — so it’s clearly not your fault, honey. Enterprise: auto-rebase onto a fresh dinner.”
The Problem
You are fighting about the dishes. It is not about the dishes. It is about something someone said at 2:14pm, which fed something at 4:38pm, which was misread at 7:02pm, and now at 9:47pm you are both crying at the sink. Nobody knows the origin commit. The tree has diverged. Each party is asserting the merge base is where the other went wrong.
argument #4,192 · branch: dishes · state: divergent
$ what-are-we-fighting-about --recursive
> surface topic: the sponge
> depth: 11 hops
> HEAD: “you literally always do this”
> merge base: [not found]
> last common ancestor: brunch, sunday
✗ conflict in relationship/dishes.txt
> suggested resolution: apologize --force
> wall time: 4h 33m (still running)
The Solution
Ambient mic. Speech-to-text. A commit graph of every utterance in the home. When the argument enters a spin loop, run blame on the last line — it walks back through hunks and finds the actual regression. Almost always six hours earlier. Almost never about the sponge.
$ blame relationship/dishes.txt --line=HEAD1 hunk flagged
commitauthortimeline
a1b2c3dyou14:02so should we eat in or out tonight
e4f5g6hpartner14:03i mean it doesn’t matter, whatever you want
9j8k7l6you14:04ok cool, in then
m2n3o4ppartner18:41wow. we never go out anymore.
q5r6s7tyou18:42you said it didn’t matter
u8v9w0xpartner20:15why are you being like this about the sponge
y1z2a3byou21:47you literally always do this
root cause: e4f5g6h · author: partner · type: passive-aggressive nopforwarded to your therapist
Bisect
Hostility over the last six hours, sampled per minute. Binary search narrows to the exact regression: 14:03, right after “whatever you want.” The rest is downstream.
tension.p95 · 6h window · per-minutebisect: 7 iterations to first bad commit
first bad commitHEAD (the sponge)14:03 → 21:47 · +900% tension · +0% dishes done
Pricing
free
We text you both the full transcript in the morning. You will not read it. She will.
$9 / mo
Blame on the last line only. Reveals the author of the sentence that ended the peace. Does not survive tone re-interpretation.
$29 / mo
Full argument reports emailed to your therapist Sunday nights. Includes hotspots, blast radius, and a recommended patch.
custom
In-ear real-time mediator whispers “rewind to 14:03” before you go nuclear. On-call therapist stays on the line through the holidays. mTLS with your MIL.
TAM
addressable market · couples currently spiraling
1.4B couples × 3.2 arguments / wk × $1.20 per resolved apology
= $18.1B in shipped “i’m sorry”s
Methodology: our CEO’s marriage counselor charges by the hunk.
The Ask
$5M seed. Half funds the speech-to-text pipeline (the dishwasher is loud). Half funds the classifier that distinguishes “the actual thing” from “the surface thing,” which turns out to be the entire moat. Series A pitch: “We’re git, but the repo is your relationship and the merge conflicts are real.”