Doomly

“Doomscrolling-as-a-Service. We scroll so you don’t have to. You still feel terrible. Time saved: 4 hrs/day.”

The Problem

   You          Phone        Cortisol
    |             |              |
    |  *unlocks*  |              |
    |------------>|              |
    |             |  *scroll*    |
    |             |------------->| ↗
    |             |  *scroll*    |
    |             |------------->| ↗↗
    |             |  *scroll*    |
    |             |------------->| ↗↗↗↗↗
    |  "5 more    |              |
    |   minutes"  | (4 hrs later)|
    |             |              | 🔥🔥🔥

The modern knowledge worker loses 4.3 hours per day to doomscrolling but still feels undermarinatedin current events at parties. Existing solutions (“put the phone down”) have a 0% retention rate.

The Solution

A marketplace of gig workers who doomscroll on your behalf and deliver a personalized anxiety briefing by 6pm. You stay informed. You stay anxious. You also went outside.

┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│  DOOMLY                          [⚙] [👤]  │
├────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│  Today's doom (outsourced to Dave in QA)   │
│                                            │
│  ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░  82% scrolled                │
│  ETA: 47 min · Sighs detected: 13          │
│                                            │
│  Summary preview:                          │
│   • Economy: still bad                     │
│   • A man you don't know said a thing      │
│   • Plane part fell off (different plane)  │
│   • Your cousin engaged (again)            │
│                                            │
│  [ Generate Anxiety Report ]               │
│  [ Add personal hot take (+$2) ]           │
└────────────────────────────────────────────┘

How It Works

   User          Doomly Cloud          Gig Scroller
    |                 |                     |
    | "doom for me"   |                     |
    |---------------->|   assigns shift     |
    |                 |-------------------->|
    |                 |                     | *thumbs*
    |                 |   raw despair       |
    |                 |<--------------------|
    |   PDF summary   |                     |
    |<----------------|                     |
    |                 |                     |
   you are now anxious AND productive

Pricing

  Free          Pro ($12/mo)        Enterprise
    │                │                    │
    ▼                ▼                    ▼
 1 platform     All platforms        Compliance mode
 30 min/day     Custom topics       (HR-safe doom)
 Ads (more      "Avoid: ex's wedding,  SSO + audit log
  doom)          climate, AI"          of every sigh

TAM

  5.4B smartphone users × $12/mo × 12
              = $777.6B
                  ↑
        (everyone is online and sad)

The Ask

$6M seed. Half goes to ergonomic thumb braces for the scroller workforce. The rest is a war chest for the inevitable lawsuit from a guy named Brian whose anxiety report was “insufficiently doomy.”

Series A pitch:“We’re Mechanical Turk, but the task is despair.”