“Time-to-live for grudges. Petty stuff: 3 days. Being ghosted at a party: 90 days. ‘You forgot my birthday’: 1 year. When the timer fires, we auto-send a ‘hey, no hard feelings’ text and evict the grudge from your cache.”
The Problem
Your resentment cache has no eviction policy. A single “k” from 2019 is still resident. Your working set exceeds RAM. You are swapping. Every time you meet a new person, your brain first has to evict a grudge to make room, and it picks the wrong one, every time.
grudge_cache · 87% full · last GC: never
sam / brunch 2019 / didn't offer to split
6y 4mo
412×
coworker / 'per my last email'
2y 1mo
88×
dad / said i looked tired
11mo
210×
friend / laughed at wrong part of the story
3y
47×
ex / spotify playlist still on shuffle
8y
1904×
landlord / 2021 mystery smell
5y 2mo
12×
airline / seat 34B on the redeye
18mo
66×
resident set: 41,208 entriesOOM in 3d
The Solution
Every grudge you register gets a TTL. The classifier picks it, or you override. When the timer fires we transparently send a no hard feelings text on your behalf, tombstone the entry, and reclaim the memory. You wake up lighter and cannot explain why.
you@self:~$ grudgectl set-ttl
OFFENSE_CLASSTTLPOLICY
petty (tone in a slack)3dauto
ghosted at party90dauto
forgot birthday1yauto
ruined the surprise18moauto
did not offer to split5ymanual
brought the wrong salad6moauto
wedding seating chart∞pin
7 policies · 1 pinned (that's fine, everyone has a wedding one)ok
Eviction Timeline
Grudges age quietly in the background. On expiry we fire a soft forgiveness event and free the slot. Failed sends retry on a Tuesday, when everyone is a little softer.
90-day window · grudge lifecycle4 entries
evicted (forgiveness auto-sent)3 of 4 freed · 1 still simmering (you)
Pricing
free
Everything is pinned. You are exactly who you are today, forever. Grudges heat-death the universe on schedule.
$9 / mo
Least-recently-used grudges quietly fade. When you meet a new person, we make room. Weekly forgiveness digest.
$29 / mo
Every grudge gets a lifespan. Auto-sent apologies. Tombstoned entries never return to consciousness. Comes with a ‘pinned wedding grudge’ slot.
custom
On-device model rewrites the grudge as a personal growth story before eviction. You emerge insufferable but content.
TAM
addressable market · humans holding onto something
8B humans × avg 41,208 resident grudges × $0.004 relief / eviction
= $1.3T in unfreed memory
Methodology: asked our COO about her sister once.
The Ask
$5M seed. Half funds the classifier (is this a grudge or a boundary?). The other half funds the outbound ‘no hard feelings’ SMS bill, which turns out to be shockingly load-bearing. Series A pitch: “We’re Redis, but for the thing you said to your sister in 2011.”